Chunky Curse ponders late season slump

John - 12/21/2009, 11:26 AM - Curse News

The Campbell's Chunky Soup Curse -- a curse so wretched people don't say it about the New York Yankees -- has fallen on a late season slump.

Curse watcher are astonished to see former endorsers LaDainian Tomlinson, Ben Roethlisberger and DeMarcus Ware still walking. Worse, Donovan McNabb is playing some of the best football of his career.

NFL Network Cursiologist Marshall Faulk opined, "The Curse peaked early this year. It's time to have real doubts about the Curse going into the playoffs."
The Curse saw differently, "Anyone who has seen how Tomlinson's season ended the last couple years knows the playoffs are a big win for me."

Many feel that the Curses efforts to hobble DeMarcus Ware, linebacker for the Cowboys, have diverted attention that would be much better spent on offensive players.

Curse watcher Gary Imlach noted, "I think the effort to take down Ware mirrors the destruction of LT. It took a while, but it added up over time."

Many curse watchers were appalled to see Ben Roethlisberger still alive and producing the greatest statistical outing of his career.

"I was appalled," said Chris Berman, ESPN's cursetographer-in-chief.

Many watchers also wondered aloud if Donovan McNabb was now out from under the Curse.

McNabb was glib, saying, "Sure I'm out from under the Curse. But, I'm still under the shadow of Andy Reid's fat belly. On the bright side, we don't see a lot of snow here."

McNabb's teammate, Desean Jackson, piped in, "Andy Reid looks like a cat. A really fat, angry cat that no one wants to pet for fear he'll claw you."

Andy Reid came into the room at the moment and stated, "Sure I look like a cat. But not as much as Mike Holmgren."

McNabb threw back, "That doesn't change the fact that you really need to go on The Biggest Loser. Man, coach, what the fuck is your problem? You have access to the best athletic trainers on Earth. Is it that much to ask you to get down to 350? You look like you ate Rex Ryan."

Reid then told McNabb to be carefully, or he'd force the Eagles into another overtime tie. Jackson had to break the two up with the offer of a bowl of Capbell's Chunky Soup.


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