John - 10/26/2009, 12:35 PM - Curse News
Curse watchers believe they have seen the Campbell's Chunky Soup Curse catch up with one of its last untouched victims: Dallas Cowboys linebacker DeMarcus Ware.
Cowboys team doctor Alfred E. Alfredsen, co-inventor of the anti-static afro pick, noted that apparent fractures in Ware's foot are consistent with Chunky Soup poisoning.
Said Alfredsen, "This reminds me a lot of how things started with Larry Johnson. You know, except for the fact that DeMarcus isn't a giant vag with feet like Larry."
Ware has chosen to play through the injury, noting, "Hey, if the Curse is, its on. It's not like I'm any safer on the sideline than I am on the field."
Dallas coach Wade Phillips is already looking at outside linebackers in next years draft. Said Phillips, "It's not a good sign. We're working on the assumption that by minicamp DeMarcus will be dead."
Curse watchers weren't surprised to see the Curse go after such a minor endorser.
Said Fox Curse analyst Curt Menefee, "The Curse is petty. Sometimes downright trivial. It wouldn't be a Curse if it were thoughtful, right?"
Followers of the Curse note that the Curse has struck other linebackers who spent only limited time with the evil soup.
"Look at Brian Urlacher," said Chicago Bears team cursologist Brian Urlacher. "That guy only endorsed the soup for three days in 1987, and he's been smarting ever since."