McNabb still suffering ill-effects of Chunky

John - 10/19/2009, 12:21 PM - Curse News

Donovan McNabb, quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles, showed signs this week that he's still suffering from massive exposure to Campbell's Chunky Soup, a compound so dangerous it is only legal in China and parts of Mexico.

With 27 seconds left in the first half against the Oakland Raiders, McNabb called a timeout, his team's fourth timeout of the half. Only, teams don't get four timeouts in a half in football. Anywhere. Not even Canadian football.

The Eagles went on to lose to the Raiders, a team the NFL is considering turning over to the federal government as a troubled asset, 13-9.
McNabb shrugged it off, saying, "Seriously, even if I won a Super Bowl, people in Philly would despise me. In fact, some day I'm gonna run into the end zone on a kneel down at the end of a game just to piss the fans off."

Eagles coach Andy Reid took the blame for the timeout incident on himself. Said Reid, "I've always kinda sucked as a coach. I'm like a pass happy, morbidly obese Marty Schottenheimer. I'll get you some wins, but don't get your hopes up for any championships."

Football watchers noted that Andy Reid burned Philly's second timeout of the half so he could catch his breath.

Reid defended the decision, "Dude, I'm fuckin fat. It's hard to move along that sideline, holler out instructions and then follow a drive down the field as other, much more athletic people, follow my instructions."

McNabb added, "Andy Reid's really fat. But, he's not funny fat like Chris Farley or Rex Ryan. Also, Andy kinda looks like a cat. But not as much as Mike Holmgren."

Eagles runningback Brian Westbrook piped in, "But he's still not as fat as JaMarcus Russell."

Curse followers contend that McNabb's mental omission is a product of the further eroding of his brain since his blooper comments about not knowing games could end in ties.

Said CBS Cursiologist Rich Gannon, "We've been watching Donovan's brain die on national TV. By this time next year, he'll have the mental acuity of an advanced stage Alzheimer's patient."

The Curse for its part was mum. When reached for comment, the Curse responded, "McNabb? People still talk about him? I'm sorry. I was under the impression Kevin Kolb was their starter. My bad."

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