Curse denies involvement in Roethlisberger case

John - 8/19/2009, 11:24 PM - Curse News

Campbell's Chunky Soup, the food that defines haute cuisine among the homeless, denied any involvement by the company or its evil cursed endorsement deal in the ongoing civil action against Ben Roethlisberger.

Said the Curse, "Dude? Give me some credit. I'm an evil frickin curse! I've got standards to hold up."

Suspicion has arisen in recent weeks that the Curse has some involvement in the ongoing civil court rape complaint filed against Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger.
"Not the Curse," said ESPN's in-house cursetographer Ed Werder, "The Chunky Curse would do something classy, like roll a guy's knee. You want trials? That's the Madden Curse. Look at Michael 'Ron Mexico' Vick. And obviously Big Ben never went near Madden. Mostly because of the smell. Or so sources tell me."

However, the Curse was spotted leaving the airport in Reno, Nevada this week in a private plane.

The Curse flatly denied any connection, saying, "I was there for the skiing. Or whatever it is people do in Reno beside find legal hookers."

Roethlisberger for his part was mum, stating, "Obviously it was not the unmentionable endorsement deal badness. I dealt with that head-on. Nudge, nudge, say no more. Really, don't. Please say no more. I have never understood what it was I ever did so wrong. It's not like I ever killed underperforming dogs in a puppy fight club."

Steelers fans seemed unfazed by the ongoing troubles. Said Steeler maniac Tom Marcinkowski, "Look, I'd send my wife to Ben's hotel room to 'fix his TV', sure. And I'd raise Ben's bastard child with far more love and encouragement than any of my so-called legitimate children."

Curse watchers await signs of the Curse's first move for the season.

With LaDainian Tomlinson playing this preseason, many Curse watchers believe the Soupy Mess will attack in San Diego first.

Said Cursiologist Erin Andrews, "Get the hell out of my hotel room, you degenerate!"


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