John - 1/17/2009, 5:57 PM - WTF
If you don't love football, don't fuckin' email me!
Case: Dan Gross, Philly.com gossip columnist and a grown man whose blog links to TMZ, Perez Hilton and Gawker. Dan? Don't make us send the sheriff to confiscate your man card for trying to stir up gossip involving football, Chunky Soup and and vulgar websites.
Mr. Gross emailed me last night seeking comment on whether ChunkySoupCurse.com was in any way affiliated with or owned by Campbell's. Trust but verify, sure, right? Of course I did what most people would do: I told the truth.
But, the truth's not so much important with Dan. Dan only wanted one answer, because Dan was fishing for a story claiming that Campbell's was disparaging the memory of Reggie White.
Dan's follow up was to hint that Campbell's was in some way culpable for not serving me or whatever. And God forbid they hint they might like my site!
I'm not certain how jokingly claiming Campbell's Soup killed White is disparaging, but then I don't spend my day writing about the TV show Gossip Girl. It's very possible your brain has to be pink and frilly to really get it what Dan was saying.
Why was Dan alleging all this?
Well, ya see, he claims a PR guy from Campbell's called him and said something about the Curse and this website.
Dan, in possession of a whiny, pink, frilly gossip columnist brain, did what any person who writes about women who dress like drag queens would do: a WHOIS search.
Now, a lot of people when their WHOIS search yields the words "This site is owned by a fuckin' hillbilly" would probably stop there.
But not Dan. Remember, Dan has a pink and frilly brain that doesn't actually process things like football and humor. Dan's still trying to find the deeper meaning of those Budweiser frogs, and is goddamned certain the Aussie croc hunter was in on it because he's seen frogs and crocs in swamps when he once accidentally turned PBS on.
So, let's just explain all this to the sane people:
1. Campbell's Soup does not support this website.
2. The about $10 worth of Adsense clicks it gets a year support.
3. OK, honestly, my clients' money supports it. The Adsense clicks barely pay for the domain name!!
4. (Not Dan related) Your fuckers who read this really don't like clicking on ads! I have a website that's nothing but a database of TV stations, and those pricks click more ads in a week than you bastards do in a year!
5. Reggie White is dead. Whether I crack a joke about him being killed by soup or not is probably not going to bring him back.
6. Philly media is a bunch of assholes. Seriously, Donovan McNabb has kept you contending despite the team trying to turn into the Lions. WTF, Philly? Have some pride and thank the man for once.
Sorry, this one has been on my mind for a while. I've wanted to make a post about how little respect I have for the Philly media for a long time.
Now, my original reasoning was because I think their treatment of McNabb is shockingly unfair. Christ, even in Pittsburgh we managed to be nice mostly nice to Tommy Maddox until Roethlisberger came along.
What's your excuse, Philly?
Please, Philly fans, tell me you're better than the media scum that represent you.
Oh, never mind. You people threw snow balls at fucking Santa! You're beyond hope.
So, the next time you meet a nice guy like Dan Gross (who I can only pray is not the son of Michael Gross, of Tremors and Family Ties fame), remember to spit on him.
He'd do the same to you. Just ask the alleged PR guy from Campbell's. Cause Dan was trying to spit all over him.
What's the lesson? Ya can't win for trying. Not with guys like Dan Gross out there trying to burn smart little alleged PR kids who were allegedly trying to have some fun.
But, then again, Dan just wanted a football slant for his column, because he's scared Super Bowl week will really make his pink, frilly behavior stand out.
Dan? It's OK. You're just a gossip writer. I wouldn't blame you for your behavior anymore than I'd kick my dog for licking himself.
Ya know what? Scratch that shit!
Dan was pickin' on Ryan Howard for going to titty bars!
What the fuck, Dan?!
Do you have a penis? What kinda chickenshit gimmick is talking shit on a man for going to titty bars?
Dan Gross? Turn your fucking man card in by the end of business Monday.