John - 11/19/2008, 12:27 AM - Curse News
Campbell's Chunky Soup, a material so corrosive it was once used by coolies during the construction of railroads in the Pacific Northwest, is known for causing many defects. Knee injuries. Back injuries. Cyborg legs. Truck-to-face injuries.
Add brain damage to that list.
Curstographer Matthew J. Darnell recently exposed McNabb's severe mental deterioration on his blog. Darnell noted that McNabb, a 10-year veteran of the National Football League, is now so mentally defective he does not know that NFL games can end in a tie.
Curse followers have long hypothesized that Campbell's Chunky Soup causes brain damage. However, it has always been hard to determine, since it takes significant pre-existing brain damage to accept an evil, cursed endorsement deal that once killed a sideline photographer just to watch his wife and children mourn him.
The diagnosis represents a huge breakthrough in our understanding of the effects of evil, cursed endorsement deals on athletes.
"We should certainly go back and look at other cursed endorsers," said Darnell. "Can you even imagine how it would rewrite history to know that Kurt Warner didn't become a fumbler due to injury, but instead because he was unaware that the defensive player were allowed to smack the ball if he was holding it?"
The Chunky Soup Curse, the most dangerous curse not released by disturbing the corpse of an Egyptian pharaoh, was tight-lipped.
"Look, the FDA says it is safe, right?" asked the Curse.
Curseologist Steve Tasker said, "It explains a lot. For example, why does McNabb stay with the Eagles? Why not pull a Favre? Retire. Unretire. Threaten the team repeatedly with bodily violence. Retire. Not unretire. Then demand a trade. Then accept a trade to play for the New York Jets, a recently disbanded minor league indoor lacrosse team. Whatever the consequences, it's gotta be better than living in Philadelphia."
McNabb himself denied the claims, adding, "I can haz Halls oh Famer?"