John - 11/9/2008, 11:40 PM - Curse News
As November rolls in like a lamb, the Campbell's Chunky Soup Curse, the most targeted form of evil since the Genesis torpedo was launched, is fat with victory. And hearty chunks of beef.
LaDainian Tomlinson continues his march to mediocrity with the assistance of the San Diego Chargers. A brave little soldier, her troopers on as the Chargers desperately try to remain better than the Chiefs and the Raiders.
Speaking of the Chiefs, the Curse denies all involvement with the decline and fall of Larry Johnson. Johnson, who was recently arrested for being an asshole, continues to baffle the NFL with his incapacity to grow-up. Former coach Dick Vermeil told ESPN Radio last Friday, "Told ya so."
In a press release, the Curse told the media: "At some point, a man's decline cannot be blamed on soup. Even if he endorsed an evil cursed soup, must he not eventually accept blame for endorsing said soup? And, oh yeah, maybe Larry Johnson is just an immature jerk. That could be it, right?"
Curse watchers are beginning to wonder if the newfound craptitude of Ben Roethlisberger is a sign that the Curse is circling around to pick off former endorsers it has yet to kill.
Said Cursetographer Steve Tasker, "We'll see next week when San Diego plays Pittsburgh. Ben and LT... could get soupy with all the badness."
In other Curse news, Matt Hasselbeck, quarterback of the Seattle Seahawks, is still reported to be alive. Hasselbeck reportedly strained his back while defending himself from a homeless man he was trying to steal a can of Chunky Soup from.
On a related note, Kurt Warner still has to wear an Arizona Cardinals uniform. It'z teh g4yz0rz.