John - 1/14/2008, 2:34 AM - Curse News
The talk of the NFL conference championships will be one thing: did the Campbell's Chunky Soup Curse, the sneakiest danger since the plague rat, score a victory over LaDainian Tomlinson.
The San Diego Chargers running back went down hard on a tackle by the Indianapolis Colts. Tomlinson is reported to have bruised knee that swelled up in the second half when Tomlinson wanted to return to the game.
Team doctors expressed grave concern. "We know this sort of swelling occurs when the knee fills with Campbell's Chunky Soup," said Dr. David Chao.
Chao said the Chargers will evaluate Monday afternoon whether it is medically necessary to remove the knee.
Sports doctors agree that the knee injury is consistent with the sort of degradation caused by constant consumption of Campbell's Chunky Soup. The injury is similar to one suffered by Larry Johnson, another Chunky endorser.
Chao added, "Of course, the most prudent choice would be to stop endorsing an evil, cursed soup."
If the Curse claims Tomlinson as a victim it would cap a year when many thought the Curse was biting off more than it could chew.
A Patriots / Chunky Axis of Evil?
Many followers of the New England Patriots, the most dire threat to humanity since the Zombie Crisis of 1978, applauded the Curse's actions.
Said Pats head coach Bill Belichick, "I want our fans to know we will stop at nothing -- nothing -- to win a Super Bowl. I want our opponents to know it is wiser to kneel down for 60 plays than to take your chances against us."
The timing of the Tomlinson injury seemed a little suspect to many Curse watchers.
Said the Curse, "I waited until playoff time to get LT. You do the math."
Rich Eisen, a longtime Curse follower, noted, "It has become obvious that the two most dangerous evils in the NFL are now in perfect alignment, colluding in a manner to destroy America that the Nazis and the Japanese were never able to achieve during World War II."
Was Rivers a collateral victim?
Speculation has mounted that Chargers QB Philip Rivers was also injured by the Cursed endorsement deal.
Said Rivers, "I could have sworn I saw a soup can near my leg on that play."
Rivers added, "This is unfair! I didn't endorse that stupid evil cursed soup. Why would this happen to me?"
Observers speculate that the Curse is amping up the destruction as part of its agreement with the New England Patriots.
A record haul of fresh victims
LaDainian Tomlinson would be the fourth new victim of the Curse this season, a new record for the evil soup.