John - 9/28/2006, 3:26 PM - Victims
The earliest victim of the modern Chunky Soup Curse was Reggie White, defensive end with the Green Bay Packers during their most recent Super Bowl runs. White took the endorsement in 1997, initiating the current campaign by Campbell's to destroy the NFL one spoonful at a time.
The results, as can be imagined, were awful. Soon, Reggie White, once the most feared defensive lineman in professional football, fell off the map like the Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria sailing into that ocean full of sea serpants.
In 1997, White began displaying the physical deterioration now known to be a side effect of endorsing Chunky.
According to Wikipedia:
White suffered from fatigue, lung inflammation, shortness of breath and back pain in 1997, when he was diagnosed with a systemic inflammatory disease called sarcoidosis. He was treated and told that sarcoidosis goes away in some patients.
By the end of the 1998 season, White became so depleted by endorsing Chunky Soup that he retired.
Oh God, You Devil!
In 2000, White's mental state began to lapse. Claiming to hear the voice of God, White unretired and played for the Carolina Panthers. The Panthers finished with a staggering -4 wins and 20 losses. The NFL assessed an additional four losses on their record for what commissioner Paul Tagliabue described as "sucktitude".
White once again retired, after hearing that God was really talking to Kurt Warner.
In 2004, the inevitable health complications stemming from endorsing Campbell's Chunky Soup, the deadliest soup never tried for crimes against humanity, had left their toll on Reggie White.
White developed a cardiac arythmia from which he never recovered.