Can Chunky Soup make you gay?

John - 6/29/2006, 11:18 PM - Curse News

Or does endorsing Chunky Soup just make your a wife a friggin' harpie? Consider, our poor man, Michael Strahan... Michael, like all NFL players who don't go by the last name Mexico, did the most decent thing a black man can do: he found the skinniest white bitch and put a ring on her finger.

His reward for holding her high:

"I didn't just blurt out Michael is gay with Ian," Jean Strahan, 41, told The News. "I really meant that it was a lifestyle change. ... Alternative to being with me was hanging out with this guy, chasing anything that moves."

We got a source: The New York Daily News.

Strahan, for his part, insists that the lisp is the product of his Madonna-like gap between his upper teeth. However, one reporter quickly pointed out that gays like Madonna, too.

Strahan grabbed a bowl of Chunky and began to cry. "It's not fair," he lisped.

In an attempt to cure his alleged alternativeness, Strahan did what all accused gays do: he found a model. A model whose last name is ... PIGford. And he says he'll never marry again.

Jean Strahan says Michael is a Republican and therefore opposed to that sort of thing.

Chunky Soup will take everything from you. Your family, your money, your wife, your health ... and when there is nothing left, it will appear as a harpie and take your manhood from you.

I know ...

It's bad enough that Michael's elderly harpie wife is calling him a fag without saying as much ... Then the harpie tells the New York Daily News, possibly the most trusted Yankee rag this side of the Mason-Dixon Line.

How long before Michael Strahan's life ends tragically?

It's been a perverse year for the Chunky Soup Curse ... only time will tell.

We can only pray that Strahan is wearing a motorcyccle helmet. And that his wife isn't smart enough to find a brake line.


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