The Mark of the Bettis: 666 and Chunky Soup

John - 6/15/2006, 1:17 PM - Victims

In the second wave of Chunky Soup victims, we witness Jerome Bettis. Bettis, like Urlacher, Strahan and McNabb, is a member of the Chunky Soup class of 2002, the largest group affected by the Curse so far.

Perhaps because he was old, enfeebled and really fat, Bettis was the first to fall victim from the class of 2002.

Despite playing in 13 games in 2002, Bettis was hobbled all season long and suffered from several nagging injuries.

In it's first audacious public announcement, Chunky Soup used Jerome Bettis to leave an ominous calling card:


The Mark of the Beast.

Jerome Bettis ended his 2002 season with 666 yards rushing. It was Chunky's boldest and cruelest announcement to date.

Chunky Soup broke a streak of six consecutive 1000 yard rushing seasons -- and then slapped the Mark of the Best on Jerome Bettis.

Bettis would lose his starting job to Amos Zereoue.

Zereoue left football to pursue his life's love, getting a Doctorate in Not-as-General Studies to augment his degree in General Studies from West Virginia.

Bettis did not get his starting job back.

Instead, Chunky Soup whispered in Dan Rooney's ear and convinced him that a slightly less chubby runningback who fumbles the ball all the time would be a good choice.

The Steelers signed Duce Staley, who can still be seen sitting on the Steelers' sideline basically being paid millions a year to watch football. How cool is that?

Going into 2005, the Pittsburgh Steelers sat down with Chunky Soup and considered new ways to humilitate Bettis.

Sure enough, they found a runningback dangling from the mouth of gigantic tackle Max Starks.

Starks' cries of "Max hungry!" were ignored.

The Steelers set the spit-covered former rookie-free agent runningback upright, christened him Willie Parker, and told Bettis to go eat a hoagie or whatever it is he does to stay in game shape.

Throughout all of this, Bettis suffered recurring injuries, a known complication of Chunky Soup endorsement.

All the while, Bettis continued to endorse Chunky, all smiling and standing next to his mom.

Chunky's Last Swing

Chunky Soup is a mean bitch. Know this, and act with this knowledge.

Chunky Soup place Jerome Bettis at the goalline on a clinching drive against the Colts in the 2005 playoffs.

In a purely Chunky moment, Bettis, who had not fumble all year, was met by a linebacker. The ball, coated in Chunky Soup, slipped out of Bettis' hands.

Only a game-saving tackle by Ben Roethlisberger -- another player coated in Chunky Curse -- saved the day.

Bettis would survive the fumble and go on to win a ring courtesy of sloppiest Super Bowl played since the implementation of the forward pass.


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