Curse News

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Did the Curse tag Tomlinson?

John - 1/14/2008, 2:34 AM - Curse News

The talk of the NFL conference championships will be one thing: did the Campbell's Chunky Soup Curse, the sneakiest danger since the plague rat, score a victory over LaDainian Tomlinson.

The San Diego Chargers running back went down hard on a tackle by the Indianapolis Colts. Tomlinson is reported to have bruised knee that swelled up in the second half when Tomlinson wanted to return to the game.

Team doctors expressed grave concern. "We know this sort of swelling occurs when the knee fills with Campbell's Chunky Soup," said Dr. David Chao.

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Curse comments on Patriots 16-0 season

John - 12/30/2007, 2:23 AM - Curse news

The Campbell's Chunky Chunky Soup Curse, a distinctly smaller evil in football than the New England Patriots, made a brief statement about the Pats' 16-0 record.

In a press release, the Curse said:

"I'm proud to see I am not the only evil force trying to wreck the NFL these days. Sure, left to his own devices, Roger Goddell, our beloved and betrothed commissioner, could do it. But, I want to live to see the NFL in ruins before I leave this Earth and return to Hell.

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Roethlisberger likely out for Week 17

John - 12/28/2007, 1:21 AM - Curse news

Ben Roethlisberger made a bold late season push to get past Donovan McNabb and win the Chunky Soup Curse Senior League title for 2007.

Roethlisberger reportedly will not play Sunday, following a right ankle sprain discovered after the Steelers' victory over the St. Louis Rams, the AA farm team affiliate of the Green Bay Packers.

Team doctors examined Roethlisberger's ankle and concluded the sprain was due to muscle and ligament deterioration often associated with endorsing Campbell's Chunky Soup, the most terrifying food that doesn't move on its own (or does it?).

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Roethlisberger hobbled

John - 12/21/2007, 11:57 PM - Curse News

The Campbell's Chunky Soup Curse, more dangerous than alcoholic with scissors and a grudge, struck a small blow in the battle to kill Ben Roethlisberger.

Following the Pittsburgh Steelers win over the St. Louis Rams, a team that will be demoted from the NFL in 2008 to be replace by the winner of the Papa John's.com Bowl between Southern Mississippi and Cincinatti, Roethlisberger reported feeling pain in his ankle. Team doctors discovered trace amounts of Chunky Soup in the ankle, but believe Roethlisberger will be ready to play against Baltimore, thanks to a long week follow the Thursday night game.

Roethlisberger had already suffered a shoulder injury in practice early this season.

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Could Chunky Soup invade the CFL?

John - 12/17/2007, 11:49 PM - Curse News

It's a strange sort of speculation, but consider the following item:

Wolfe: What should you endorse?

Adams: Everybody tells me that I should endorse Campbell's Chunky Soup, but they haven't called yet. I hope they call. John Madden said I have one of the best nicknames in sports.

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December and McNabb is on the field?

John - 12/17/2007, 11:34 PM - Curse news

The Campbell's Chunky Soup Curse, the most frightening curse that can be uttered in Catonese, admitted a measure of defeat following Donovan McNabb's successful return from injury. McNabb's return was punctuated by a 10-6 victory over the Dallas Cowboys on Sunday.

The Curse noted, "It was a defensive victory for Philly. I mean, McNabb is kind of a vestigial appendage on that offense."

Curse followers are aghast to see McNabb alive, especially after his uneventful annual November injury. Said Curstographer Tony Bruno, "I thought McNabb was playing for the Saskaskatoon Yellow Hatchets or something of the Canadian League."

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