Curse News

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Can Chunky Soup make you gay?

John - 6/29/2006, 11:18 PM - Curse News

Or does endorsing Chunky Soup just make your a wife a friggin' harpie? Consider, our poor man, Michael Strahan... Michael, like all NFL players who don't go by the last name Mexico, did the most decent thing a black man can do: he found the skinniest white bitch and put a ring on her finger.

His reward for holding her high:

"I didn't just blurt out Michael is gay with Ian," Jean Strahan, 41, told The News. "I really meant that it was a lifestyle change. ... Alternative to being with me was hanging out with this guy, chasing anything that moves."

We got a source: The New York Daily News.

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A Chunky war a brewin'?

John - 6/29/2006, 11:11 PM - Curse News

Is Michael Strahan, a Chunky Soup victim himself, attacking Ben Roethlisberger?

So sayeth ESPN:

Giants defensive lineman Michael Strahan wondered if NFL players should wait until their careers are over before taking up activities such as motorcycle riding.

"Here is a guy who is just basically getting started in his career and his career has been phenomenal so far. To see something like that happen -- something that can be avoided -- it's unfortunate," Strahan said. "I think you sit and learn that you can do a lot of those things when you are done playing."

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The Cursed Puzzle

Bill - 6/26/2006, 11:24 AM - Curse News

Check it out!

No telling what happens to you after you finished the puzzle. Remember: Chunky is an agry mistress .

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Campbell's shortens Chunky slogan

John - 6/20/2006, 3:29 PM - Curse News

Campbell's makers of the most dangerous soup on earth, Chunky Soup, announced a change of their slogan.

New commercials will now feature Ben Roethlisberger saying, "Mmmmm mmmm mmmmmm mmmmm," instead of the traditional "Mmm mmm good!"

Campbell's denies this has anything to do with Roethlisberger's jaw being wired shut.

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Pennsylvania bans sale of Chunky Soup

John - 6/20/2006, 2:50 PM - Curse News

While visiting Pittsburgh this morning, Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell declared a state-wide ban on the sale of Campbell's Chunky Soup.

"No state has suffered more than the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania," said Rendell.

The ban also extend to advertisements of CHunky Soup. The state legislature is currently hammering out plans for a $30 million FM signal jamming systems to also block Chunky Soup ads originating in neighboring New York, Ohio, New Jersey, Delaware, Maryland and West Virginia.

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Quarterback Sneak

Bill - 6/15/2006, 11:50 PM - Curse News

Ben Roethlisberger has been released from Mercy Hospital of Pittsburgh under the cover of darkness last night.

Such a secretive escape was necessary as to slip underneath the radar of the Chunky Soup Curse as it might have been sleeping.

The hospital confirmed this morning that Roethlisberger has indeed been released from the hospital and is now at home resting and, for the moment, safe from the evil clutches of the Chunky Soup Curse.

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