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Curse starts slow but steady in Week 1

John - 9/10/2007, 12:40 PM - Curse News

The Campbell's Chunky Soup Curse, the most vile curse in the entire English language, debuted with a very slow start in Week 1 on the 2007 NFL season. The Curse did limit LaDainian Tomlinson to his worst performance since his rookie season. Donovan McNabb still clearly shows the effects of his run-in with the Curse after dropping the endorsement this season. McNabb said he felt no soreness in his Chunky-mangled knee, but many Curse watchers speculate this is because he has lost all feeling in the knee.

The Curse reassured observers that it will recover to its full glory. "I thought I did my job today against LaDainian. He's by far my toughest assignment and I thought exposing him as human was a good first step toward shredding him."

One report described Tomlinson as "hobbled". It should be noted Tomlinson was not in for the last several drives of the game.

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2007 Victim Inductee: Matt Hasselbeck

John - 8/14/2007, 12:09 PM - Victims

Matt Hasselbeck knew early on that the Curse meant business. Not long after signing with Chunky, the most vile fluid not injected by characters in a Tarentino film, the Curse attacked him. The attack led to the development of tendinitis in his foot.

This was compounded when fellow Seahawks backfield mate Shaun Alexander decided to take on the Madden Curse in the same year. Sure, Donovan McNabb had survived doing both curses in the same year, but Donovan McNabb didn't play for a defunct CFL team that had been sold to the NFL to pay off debts from the building of the Calgary Saddledome.

Then week 7 hit. With Shaun Alexander already on life support, the Chunky Soup Curse needed help from another Seahawks running back. It got that help from Mack Strong (made famous by his yellow "Mack Strong" wristbands, encouraging kids to pimp life out to the fullest every day). Strong blocked Vikings linebacker EJ Henderson into Hasselbeck, causing an MCL sprain in Hasselbeck's leg.

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Some linkage from the print world

John - 8/1/2007, 11:55 AM - Curse News

The harbinger of a new NFL season is upon us: the Hall of Fame Game. The HoF Game is of course an opportunity for second string punters to audition to be mid-season replacements. It is also the one week out of the year that Canton, OH is known for something besides ... A few people mistakenly think A Christmas Story was filmed there. That's in Cleveland.

The city paper in Canton, the Repository, did a nice write-up on the Chunky Soup Curse and It is only fair that I throw back some linkage love to them and writer Ed Balint. Check out the article by clicking here.

I strongly encourage you to buy a copy of the paper. Not because I want to financially support the Canton Rep, I just want you to make it to page 32 and see the article sitting next to not one, but two ads for titty bars. Someone pasting up pages deserves a big nod for knowing our demographic. High fives all around!

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How the Curse works (2007 edition)

John - 6/9/2007, 6:22 PM - Editorial

Few days in blogging do you feel the weight of the world, as if your words are the words Edward R. Morrow warning a nation. Today is ione of those days.

In a few of the Cowboys blogs, which are now burning with fear about the arrival of Chunky Soup Curse, the most dangerous curse not brought down upon a city by the Mongol hordes, word arrives of vain hope: perhaps the Curse only strikes offensive players.

Cowboys fans: abandon all hope. Ask Michael Strahan. Ask Brian Urlacher. Ask Reggie White. This Curse is not about offensive players. DeMarcus Ware will suffer. Make no bones about it.

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Cowboys fans are first to worry in 2007

John - 6/9/2007, 6:03 PM - Curse News

The Chunky linkage has been coming in hot and heavy from Cowboy country today.

Observe the fear spreading like spilled Chunky Soup on a sloped surface: http://cowboys.beloblog.com. The fear soon spilled across the plains, to KC: to the bug-eyed creatures of the Chiefs Planet. Even Aggies fans felt the fear (registration required to join their pain).

Then The 'Boys Blog happened upon this crime -- video of an actual coven / commercial filming with the new victims all together. Cowboys fans? Please make sure DeMarcus Ware is riding motorcycle with a helmet firmly in place.

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2007 Chunky Soup Curse victims announced

John - 4/30/2007, 1:01 AM - Curse news

Following an incredible 2006 campaign that bloomed late but proved to be the most successful to date, the Campbell's Chunky Soup Curse, the deadliest curse not involving a voodoo doll or a blind woman, announced an impressive hit list of NFL stars, including future Hall of Famer LaDainian Tomlinson. The Seahawks' Matt Hasselbeck also told reporters he hadn't had enough pain, suffering and degradation just yet, and will return as a spokesman for 2007.

The six other people who now have to look forward to lives of durress, torture, humiliation and even possible death are: Jonathan Vilma of the New York Jets, DeMarcus Ware of the Dallas Cowboys, Todd Heap of the Baltimore Ravens, Larry Johnson of the Kansas City Chiefs, Maurice Jones-Drew of the Jacksonville Jaguars and Devin Hester of the Chicago Bears.

The Chargers nation is already trembling with fear. Chargers management was clearly disturbed, resigning backup runningback Michael Turner.

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