PAGE: PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 NEXT

Tomlinson down, Pats win, Evil is on the march

John - 1/21/2008, 2:12 AM - Curse News

The Campbell's Chunky Soup Curse, the world's leading source of ill-begotten nutrition, entered the 2007 season being told it had lost a step. Observers claimed the Curse had bitten off too much by attacking the league's top two rushers and six other NFL stars. Said Curse observer Stuart Scott, "The Curse bit off too much going after LT and LJ in the same season."

But with the end of the AFC Championship Game, the Campbell's Chunky Soup Curse stands astride the great continent of North America as the conqueror of its greatest sport, the National Football League, and in alliance with the New England Patriots, the most powerful force for evil since a snake told a chick to eat an apple.

Announced the Curse, "LaDainian Tomlinson is officially decreed a victim of the Campbell's Chunky Soup Curse, on this date of January 20, 2008."

READ MORE ...

SINGLE ARTICLE: http://www.chuckysoupcurse.com/?nav=articles&category=single&id=69

Did the Curse tag Tomlinson?

John - 1/14/2008, 2:34 AM - Curse News

The talk of the NFL conference championships will be one thing: did the Campbell's Chunky Soup Curse, the sneakiest danger since the plague rat, score a victory over LaDainian Tomlinson.

The San Diego Chargers running back went down hard on a tackle by the Indianapolis Colts. Tomlinson is reported to have bruised knee that swelled up in the second half when Tomlinson wanted to return to the game.

Team doctors expressed grave concern. "We know this sort of swelling occurs when the knee fills with Campbell's Chunky Soup," said Dr. David Chao.

READ MORE ...

SINGLE ARTICLE: http://www.chuckysoupcurse.com/?nav=articles&category=single&id=68

Curse comments on Patriots 16-0 season

John - 12/30/2007, 2:23 AM - Curse news

The Campbell's Chunky Chunky Soup Curse, a distinctly smaller evil in football than the New England Patriots, made a brief statement about the Pats' 16-0 record.

In a press release, the Curse said:

"I'm proud to see I am not the only evil force trying to wreck the NFL these days. Sure, left to his own devices, Roger Goddell, our beloved and betrothed commissioner, could do it. But, I want to live to see the NFL in ruins before I leave this Earth and return to Hell.

READ MORE ...

SINGLE ARTICLE: http://www.chuckysoupcurse.com/?nav=articles&category=single&id=67

Roethlisberger likely out for Week 17

John - 12/28/2007, 1:21 AM - Curse news

Ben Roethlisberger made a bold late season push to get past Donovan McNabb and win the Chunky Soup Curse Senior League title for 2007.

Roethlisberger reportedly will not play Sunday, following a right ankle sprain discovered after the Steelers' victory over the St. Louis Rams, the AA farm team affiliate of the Green Bay Packers.

Team doctors examined Roethlisberger's ankle and concluded the sprain was due to muscle and ligament deterioration often associated with endorsing Campbell's Chunky Soup, the most terrifying food that doesn't move on its own (or does it?).

READ MORE ...

SINGLE ARTICLE: http://www.chuckysoupcurse.com/?nav=articles&category=single&id=66

Roethlisberger hobbled

John - 12/21/2007, 11:57 PM - Curse News

The Campbell's Chunky Soup Curse, more dangerous than alcoholic with scissors and a grudge, struck a small blow in the battle to kill Ben Roethlisberger.

Following the Pittsburgh Steelers win over the St. Louis Rams, a team that will be demoted from the NFL in 2008 to be replace by the winner of the Papa John's.com Bowl between Southern Mississippi and Cincinatti, Roethlisberger reported feeling pain in his ankle. Team doctors discovered trace amounts of Chunky Soup in the ankle, but believe Roethlisberger will be ready to play against Baltimore, thanks to a long week follow the Thursday night game.

Roethlisberger had already suffered a shoulder injury in practice early this season.

READ MORE ...

SINGLE ARTICLE: http://www.chuckysoupcurse.com/?nav=articles&category=single&id=65

From the U to the Soup: the Jonathan Vilma story

John - 12/20/2007, 1:02 PM - Victims

Jonathan Vilma was on the fast track. A three year starter at the University of Miami, known for putting the best linebackers in the game on the field, Vilma was drafted by the New York Jets in 2004.

"I remember a friend saying, 'The Jets?! You're screwed now!'" said Vilma. "But, I remember a guy like Ray Lewis leaving Miami and going to Baltimore Ravens -- who back then were a step above a pee-wee league team."

Vilma dodged the curse of New York Jets. He won Rookie of the Year honors in 2004. In 2005 he led the NFL in tackles. He was rewarded with a trip to the Pro Bowl in 2006. Then it all fell apart.

READ MORE ...

SINGLE ARTICLE: http://www.chuckysoupcurse.com/?nav=articles&category=single&id=64

PAGE: PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 NEXT