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Scared Strahan: Chunky slays a Giant

John - 6/14/2006, 9:56 AM - Victims

In January 2002, Michael Strahan finished up the 2001 season (yes, the NFL is goofy like that) by collecting the NFL single season sack record.

It's a tough record, because once it becomes obvious a guy is on a tear pass rushing, the offenses compensate easily with blocking assignment toward that guy.

In September 2002, Michael Strahan, at the pinnacle of his profession, did the one thing no sane player should ever do: he endorsed Campbell's Chunky Soup.

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What is the Chunky Soup Curse?

John - 6/14/2006, 8:28 AM - wtf

The Chunky Soup Curse is the belief that every NFL player who endorses Campbell's Chunky Soup will suffer a rash of carrer- or even life-threatening injuries, failure on the field, humiliation and ultimately defeat.

Strangely, the curse does not directly stand in the way of success. It just mangles you, and eventually the mangling causes failures.

For example: Kurt Warner went to a second Super Bowl after being cursed. He just also mangled his hand the next season and had seven turnovers in a single game because of the hand. And he eventually ended up with the Arizona Cardinals.

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When soup attacks: the Ben Roethlisberger story

John - 6/14/2006, 7:47 AM - Victims

From week three of his rookie season on, Ben Roethlisberger was undefeated. Week after week, it was like watching a heavyweight prize fighter go out and just win. Win ugly, win pretty and just win.

Then came the AFC Championship game. After years of heartbreak with born losers like Kordell Stewart and Neil O'Donnell at QB, the Steelers were poised to defeat the quasi-evil New England Patriots and advance to the Super Bowl.

Then Ben Roethlisberger did the damnedest thing a person can do: he did a Chunky Soup commercial.

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Rooney: accident was an accident

Bill - 6/14/2006, 3:35 AM - Curse News

Steelers' owner Dan Rooney announced today that Ben Roethlisberger's accident on Second Avenue in Pittsburgh was part of a pre-emptive measure-gone-awry to keep Roethlisberger from participating in the Chunky Soup commercial.

In a written statement, Rooney stated that he didn't want the Chunky Soup curse to take out his star quarterback, one which had helped bring the Steelers franchaise its fifth Super Bowl victory, and prevent the team from making a run at a sixth.

According to eye-witnesses, shortly before the accident, a black cargo van with a spoiler and a red stripe across the side that was driven by a black man with a mohawk, tore around the corner of Grant Street onto Second Avenue in the direction of the Tenth Street Bridge and the Armstrong Tunnels. The van pulled up along side Roethlisberger to get him to pull over. Roethlisberger veered across the center line and into an oncoming car. The rest is history.

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Chunky Soup hit and run: Ben Roethlisberger is lucky

John - 6/13/2006, 2:18 PM - Curse News

June 8, news that Ben Roethlisberger, star quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers, will be filming a Chunky Soup commercial on June 13.

June 12: "Four surgeons work for 7 hours to repair facial fractures" to fix Ben Roethlisberger's face after Chunky Soup, like Zeus blinding Tiresias, attacks him with a car, smashing Ben's motorcycle and sending him flying.

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Chunky Soup vs God: the Kurt Warner story

John - 6/13/2006, 2:06 PM - Victims

'God used every area, every situation, to shape me. Then Chunky Soup happened.'
Kurt Warner, quarterback of the St. Louis Rams in 2001

Some stories of the Chunky Soup Curse are disturbing. Others, mildly amusing.

None compare the story of Chunky Soup's violent tangle with God's tool, Kurt Warner, former quarterback of the St. Louis Rams.

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