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Kurt Warner: I surrender

John - 10/13/2006, 12:13 AM - Curse News

Kurt Warner, quarterback for the Arizona Cardinals, a team best known as the most fundamentally flawed entity in the universe besides the duckbill platypus, told reporters he is likely to surrender to the Chunky Soup Curse.

Said Warner, "It's hard to imagine this is what it has come to."

Even though Warner has not endorsed the soup in years, and Campbell's officially took him off the hit list, Warner still feels the effects of endorsing Chunky Soup.

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Google Adsense suggests a solution

John - 10/12/2006, 11:06 AM - Curse News

Google Adsense is apparently smarter than any NFL player...

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And on and on and on and on ...

John - 10/9/2006, 11:28 PM - Curse News

As week five of the NFL season comes to a close, it is clear that the Ben Roethlisberger is the worst victim of the Chunky Soup Curse to date. Chunky has so fatigued Ben that he now throws te ball like a Special Olympian doing shotput.

Oddly, Donovan McNabb seems to be out from under the Curse, despite his continued endorsements.

Science offers an explanation.

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Bears mauling Hasselbeck

John - 10/1/2006, 9:34 PM - Curse News

Is this the Curse hitting? I got my first look at the new Hasselbeck Chunky commercial, and not long after we're watching Ricky Manning, Jr. returning an interception from Hasselbeck.

The Madden Curse did the hard part -- it wiped out RB Shaun Alexander.

Is Chunky holding up its end of the Marketing Axis of Evil? More news after the game.

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A Soup to a Kill: the Reggie White Story

John - 9/28/2006, 3:26 PM - Victims

The earliest victim of the modern Chunky Soup Curse was Reggie White, defensive end with the Green Bay Packers during their most recent Super Bowl runs. White took the endorsement in 1997, initiating the current campaign by Campbell's to destroy the NFL one spoonful at a time.

The results, as can be imagined, were awful. Soon, Reggie White, once the most feared defensive lineman in professional football, fell off the map like the Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria sailing into that ocean full of sea serpants.

In 1997, White began displaying the physical deterioration now known to be a side effect of endorsing Chunky.

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Madden Curse takes first swing at Seahawks

John - 9/25/2006, 11:23 PM - Curse News

With the Chunky Soup Curse tied down attempting to murder and humiliate Ben Roethlisberger, the Marketing Axis of Evil has asked the Madden Curse to begin the demolition of the Seattle Seahawks.

The Madden Curse, while not as bloody thirsty as the Chunky Curse, is methodical. This weekend it struck Seahawks runningback Shaun Alexander.

The Madden Curse, like a virus felling an entire nation, seeped into Alexander's body causing a "non-displaced" fracture on a non-weight bearing bone in Alexander's foot.

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